The Art of Letting Go
by inanothercastle
Summary: Four years after the war, Sakura struggles to put the past behind her. [ Sakura-centric. ]


Summary: Four years after the war, Sakura struggles to put the past behind her. [ Sakura-centric. ]

Note: This is a side story to rokkasen's _And So_. You don't really need to read it to understand what's going on here (although you should)! You just need to know that it's post-war, Sasuke is back, and Ino is engaged to Neji, Naruto and Kiba because of some antiquated law about a woman needing to be married to become the head of the Yamanaka clan.

**The Art of Letting Go**

"_Sometimes you can't let go of the past without facing it again."  
_― Gail Tsukiyama, The Samurai's Garden

The truth was this:

At twenty, Sakura Haruno's resume was long and impressive. She was a war hero, respected by most in Konoha and many outside the village gates. Her medical jutsu was renown; she split her time neatly between clinical work (four times per week and every other weekend), research (she had seven articles published already, all on new and innovative ways to use chakra and genjutsu in field medicine), and teaching. She was strong, intelligent, and accomplished. She no longer lived in the ever growing shadow of her teammates. The days of looking at the backs of others were over.

"I live a very busy and fulfilling life," she concluded, glancing at Ino. The two were walking back to the administration building on their way back from lunch, and they'd somehow once again reached the topic entitled _Haruno Sakura: Boring Ninja_. To Sakura's annoyance, it was a common line of conversation. "I don't need to be dating anyone - or more than _one_ anyones - to be happy."

Ino took the insinuation in stride. She waved a manicured hand in the air. "You sleep, eat, and work. At the end of the day, you come home to an empty apartment and go to bed alone." Sakura knew it all came from concern, but, really. Ino fears were unfounded; Sakura wasn't lonely. "A lifetime of celibacy is unhealthy. I _worry_ about you, Sakura."

Sakura rolled her eyes and laughed. "What would you know about celibacy?"

"Touché," Ino allowed. She paused, then: "Look, if you would just get la - "

Thankfully, _thankfully_, she was interrupted by a familiar voice calling out a greeting from behind the awning of Yakiniku. Shikamaru emerged, followed closely by Naruto and two ninja who bore the insignia of Kumogakure on their headbands. One was a kunoichi Sakura had briefly served with in the war, Samui, and the other was the cool and collected medic, Shi. Sakura and Shi had worked together for a few weeks in the same unit. They'd always had a cordial relationship. "Saaaaaaakura," trilled Naruto. He looked to be in infinitely better spirits than Shikamaru, who looked like he wanted to kill himself, and the two Cloud ninja, who just looked bored. "And you're with Ino! Even better. You guys remember Samui and Shi, right? They're here for the chuunin exam preparations."

Sakura was about to answer when Ino _literally_ pushed in front of her, elbowing her in the process. "Ino, what the - "

"We remember you." Ino had sideswiped Samui and zeroed in on the attractive Shi. What an incorrigible and unrepentant flirt. And with Naruto standing right there! She was literally the worst person. Would it have killed her for _once_ not to - "Sakura talked about you all the time. She was really impressed with everything you did during the war."

- what?

There was another elbow, harder this time. "Isn't that right, Sakura?"

It wasn't exactly untrue, but... "Y-yes. It's nice to see you again." Oh, God. Why her speech so stilted and awkward? Why was _she_ so awkward? Did she catch some sort of social weirdness disease from Sai after they made out that one (seven) time(s)? Why was she thinking about making out with Sai? "It's nice to see you both again."

Shi smiled at her. (Shi used _attract_! It's _super effective_.) "I read your paper on the use of chakra control and sepsis. It was fantastic."

- what?

"I tried to read that paper," Naruto told Samui. "I'm pretty sure I don't speak the language it was written in."

"It's ingenious, really, to use chakra to both combat the cytokine storm and speed up infusion of antibiotics." Shi continued as if Naruto hadn't spoken. "We're heading to the Academy for a meeting about the exam, but I'd love to discuss your research with you a little more if you have the time."

Ino didn't even give Sakura the chance to fumble for an answer. "She would love to. She'll meet you back here at seven." She didn't give Shi the chance to answer, either. Instead, she grabbed Sakura by the elbow and started to drag her away. "And don't be late!" Ino called over her shoulder.

(Ino used _bulldoze_. Sakura doesn't know why should have expected anything else.)

/

With some difficulty, Sakura had been able to ditch Ino soon thereafter, despite Ino's pleas for her to take the rest of day off for a full makeover. There were many, many reasons that Sakura politely declined (a full panel of patients, professional responsibilities, etc. etc.), but it mostly had to do with the Kiri/water bra/Hyuuga Tokuma incident of two years ago, after which Sakura had sworn _never again_.

(To her credit, Ino did attempt on multiple occasions to apologize. _We will never speak of Kiri_, was Sakura's only reply.)

Sakura _had_ agreed to let Ino come over, so she was unsurprised to find her sitting at her kitchen table when she got home that evening. She was even less surprised to find ANBU Panda sitting with her, since one could predictably find the covert operative in the middle of anything gossip-worthy. "So I heard you have a date with a hot medic," she said by way of greeting.

One day Sakura would have to ninja-proof her apartment.

"It's not a date," she argued weakly, tossing her bag onto the floor.

"Super hot," said Ino at the same time.

Sakura didn't bang her head against the table. "He wants to discuss academics."

Ino spoke over her. "He wants to touch Sakura's tiny boobies."

ANBU Panda laughed so hard that she nearly tipped over in her chair. "WHAT THE HELL, INO, NO HE DOESN'T AND SHUT UP," Sakura spat venomously, every centimeter of her skin flushed with embarrassment and anger. ANBU Panda was gasping for air by now. "AND I DO NOT HAVE TINY - YOU KNOW. THEY ARE A RESPECTABLE AVERAGE SIZE. "

Ino snorted. "Okay, Miss Almost-A-Cup-chan."

Sakura stood up and smashed a fist against her table. The table shook under the threat. "You are a horrible person and you should be ashamed of yourself! Get out of my house."

Predictably, Ino stayed where she was. "Look. You should be happier about this. I scored you a date with a cute, nice, intelligent guy who isn't a total weirdo or murderous douchebag." When Sakura opened her mouth to reply, Ino cut her off. "If the next words out of your mouth are in defense of Sasuke, we're not friends anymore."

"Come on," the ANBU said, once she was composed. She held up her hands for a truce. "Let's have a glass of wine before Sakura heads out to be deflowered."

"No one is being deflowered!" protested our brave heroine, who was now assaulted with the requisite visuals. Her eyes crossed and she had to sit back down, anxiety coursing through every blood vessel in her body. "Oh my god."

She thought about the time she and Shi had spent together during the war. They'd made a good team. More than once they'd stood back to back on the front lines, taking out White Zetsu clones by the dozens. There were a lot of long, cold nights spent together in the medical tents, hoping that whatever they could do to save their comrades would be good enough. It was a blur now, but Sakura remembered him as severe but kind, both on the battlefield and off. He'd never been a fan of Konoha – a sentiment that he'd never voiced, but never made secret, either – but he had seemed genuinely impressed by her skills and never treated her with any contempt.

Also, he was definitely good with his hands.

Oh, _God_.

A glass of red wine appeared in front of her. "Take deep breaths." Sakura couldn't be sure, but she thought ANBU Panda was smirking behind her mask. Why was she wearing the mask in the house, anyway!? They all knew who she was. She was going to look ridiculous drinking her own glass. Why was she thinking about such mundane things when this new Thing now loomed over her?

"What happens if he wants to sleep with me!?"

Ino casually tapped her glass against Sakura's. "You let him. Cheers!"

"Cheers," said ANBU Panda.

With friends like these, who needed enemies?

/

Sakura couldn't stop thinking about the Thing all night. She thought about it while she was getting ready, as Ino painted her nails (red) and lips (redder), and, worst of all, when she made her undergarment choice (_reddest_). Before she pulled on the outfit Ino had picked for her, she examined herself in the full length mirror. Why was she even obsessing about the Thing when she wasn't even sure if Shi liked her? He really _could_ want to discuss her research. After all, Tsunade's spiritual successor or not, she was still Haruno Sakura: odd coloring, wide forehead, zero curves.

The reflection in the mirror frowned at her as if it disapproved of her self-esteem issues.

She slowly started dress. ("You want to be casually sexy," Ino had said, pulling a tank top, shorts, and fishnets from Sakura's closet. "He doesn't need to know how desperate you are." "Seriously," Sakura replied. "Get out of my house.") Second thoughts gripped her, and she actually had to sit back down on her bed halfway through getting on her boots. How did Ino do this all the time? How did she just put herself out there?

With almost herculean effort, Sakura finally forced herself out the front door. Her heart was already racing, her brow damp with sweat. She was clearly not going to survive this night without a sedative. Her mind whirled with dozens, no, hundreds of possibilities of how this night could go, and most of them were awful. She was just – she was just so bad at this. Dating. Relationships. Men. Why hadn't anyone taught her about any of this in her formative years?

She was going to die a spinster with a hundred cats. And she didn't even _like_ cats.

Still, Sakura wouldn't accept defeat, at least not this early in the game. She pressed on, totally and completely confident that even if the night ended in failure, she would be content in the fact that she didn't give up. As she passed the Hyuuga compound, she definitely didn't entertain the totally ridiculous idea of paying Hinata to pose as her so that she wouldn't have to go herself. She also most certainly did not hide in an alley between the general store and Ichiraku after seeing Naruto and Sasuke pass by. And when the coast was clear and she noticed Shi waiting for her at the entrance to Yakiniku, she absolutely did not almost bolt and run in the other direction, Naruto and Sasuke be damned.

"Haruno-san," he greeted her. His speech was unaffected and polite, and his teeth were very white. It all unnerved her. She told herself to get a grip; this probably wasn't even a date. "You look beautiful."

- what.

_The Thing is happening!_ Her inner voice screamed at her. It sounded suspiciously like Ino.

Shi blushed. He _blushed_. It was faint, but it was there, a slight reddening of his cheeks underneath his dark eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. Oh. He was taking her shocked silence as rejection. _Do something!_ Inner Ino screamed. "I didn't mean to offen – "

"You didn't!" It was almost a shout. This was the _third minute_ of what was definitely a date, and she was already screwing things up. She managed to compose herself. Barely. "You didn't offend me at all. Thank you."

He put a hand to the small of her back and guided her into the restaurant. His touch almost _burned_. Sakura couldn't remember the last time, if ever, she felt such a visceral, physical attraction to someone. Had it been like this four years ago? Her inner Ino was doing cartwheels. "I'm glad." She valiantly tried to ignore the fact that her body was on fire as they were led to their seats. "I confess that I might have had ulterior motives inviting you out."

Inner Ino would have really loved to have Shi show Sakura those ulterior motives right here on the table. "What do you mean?"

He looked so intently at her that she almost shivered. "You must know how much I admired you during the war effort."

It's a good think Sakura wasn't drinking anything. Surely she would have choked and died. _Here lies Haruno Sakura_, her epitaph would read. _Death by dating._ "Shi-san – "

"Why do you seem so surprised?" he asked. "Half of the men in our unit were enamored with you. Did you really never notice?"

Now she knew she was blushing. "Stop. You're not serious."

"I'm always serious." But he was also smiling, so she knew that he was exaggerating. "I hope you don't mind that I'd like to get to know you a little better outside the battlefield."

She didn't. She didn't mind at all. She didn't mind the hours they spent talking, eating and drinking. She didn't mind that they stayed so long that the owners asked her to lock up, please, as they were closing for the night. She didn't mind that he walked her home, or pressed her gently against her front door, or kissed her so soundly goodnight that she was genuinely out of sorts when it was over.

"Haruno-san," he said, lowering his forehead until it touched hers. The metal of his headband was cool against her skin. "Can I kiss you again?"

"Yes," she replied, "but if you're going to kiss me like that, you might as well call me Sakura."

/

Before Sakura felt the hard metal of Sasuke's kunai against her throat, she had a very clear picture of how she would lose her virginity.

It would happen on their wedding night. Candlelight and rose petals would be involved. Sasuke would murmur sweet apologies (_I'm sorry it took me so long to see you, Sakura_), and she would blush prettily. He would kiss her and touch her and break her apart to put her back together, and there would be nothing but love and happiness in the room. Their lovemaking would be the first step in leaving the past behind.

The fantasy died with the killing intent, really, along with all of the hope that Sakura and Sasuke could continue where they'd left off. Yes, he helped Naruto defeat Orochimaru/Madara, and yes, he came back to the village, but things had changed. _She_ had changed. She was no longer the naïve little girl, hopelessly in love, willing to do anything, even exploit Naruto's feelings, in order to have Sasuke in her life. She was ashamed of that girl.

Never again would she be that girl.

So she hoped and prayed that Naruto's influence on Sasuke would keep him on the straight and narrow, and she kept herself at the periphery. Naruto hated this arrangement. He was sure that if Sakura gave Sasuke another chance, he wouldn't let her down. He was sure that Sasuke was sorry. He was sure that Sasuke's life was empty without her. But Sakura wasn't sure of any of those things, and she couldn't trust him with her heart again, not so soon after he'd broken it the first time. All of the times.

In reality, Haruno Sakura lost her virginity to an amazing man on their tenth date in fifteen days. There was a lot of awkwardness and laughing, the latter originating from the former. Sakura was surprised how difficult it was to actually get clothes off when she was otherwise occupied, and Shi accidentally poked her in the eye with the metal of her bra strap as he was tearing it off of her. He apologized about a million times. "It's been a long time," he confessed, kissing the offended eyelid.

Well. It was bound to come up sooner or later. "For me it's been never."

His eyes widened almost imperceptibly_, _but to Sakura's complete astonishment, he didn't ask her if she was sure, or if she wanted to reconsider, which threw her as she had previously rehearsed retorts to those questions. She realized that he didn't ask her anything because he trusted her enough to know that she would never do something like this just for his sake. He didn't need her confirmation.

When Sakura finally had sex, it was with a man who told her that he was happy that they would learn together. There were no tears or regrets. There were no pasts to reconcile. She had never imagined it this way, but it was perfect, perfect, perfect, and she told him so. He agreed. And when he lowered himself onto her, she closed her eyes; all she could see was the future.

/

The sun barely touched the horizon when Sakura emerged from the small inn, but because of the imminent chuunin exams, Konoha was already wide awake. She took a deep breath and jumped to the nearest rooftop before sailing across the low skies of the village, the wind blowing through her hair. Bits and pieces of last night ran through her mind. Maybe she would go on to do great things in her life. Maybe she would follow in Tsunade's legendary footsteps, or save the world a half dozen more times. Or maybe she wouldn't do any of that. Who could know? All she knew, right then and right there, was that she would never forget Shi's fingertips on her skin, his voice whispering in her ear, the way that he kissed her good morning.

He was in town for another four weeks, which was more than enough time for Sakura to fall dangerously in love with him. She was in serious, serious trouble.

By the time she reached her apartment, she was an exhausted, hungry, and sappy mess. Her bare feet scraped across the welcome mat, her heels dangling from her pointer and middle fingers. The little black dress Ino had lent her was covered in dust and dirt. She didn't even want to guess what last night's makeup looked like this morning. All she wanted was to eat everything in her fridge, take a shower, and pass out.

There was one major obstacle to her plan, however:

"Good morning, Sakura-chan!"

Naruto was in her kitchen, standing at the stove. He had something blackened and unidentifiable frying in one of her pans. The table was haphazardly set, but noticeably missing was the mess she'd left scrambling to get her date on time. Naruto had _cleaned _for her. And now he was _cooking_ for her.

A great feeling of misgiving began to brew within her.

He turned, and Sakura realized that he was wearing one her favorite aprons, the white and blue lined cotton one adorned with pink radishes. It stretched across his chest and barely reached his thighs, and seriously, was he trying to be cute?! Naruto was twice her size. It would never fit her the same way again. "I made you breakfast! Well… I tried. I wanted to make you pancakes, but I couldn't remember if the recipe Chouji taught me said to use a cup of salt or sugar. Or both. Maybe it was both? Also, I couldn't find vegetable oil, so I used peanut oil instead, but I don't think that was a smart substitution."

Slowly, very slowly, Sakura dropped her shoes and made her way over to him. She didn't ask him why he was in her apartment or how long he'd been there. She didn't ask him if he'd tried on anything else while he was there (mostly because she was afraid of the answer). She just turned the stove off, and with serenity she didn't know she possessed, swiftly put the pan aside. Later, ANBU Panda would attribute the new stress-free attitude to mind numbing sex. Sakura would be hard pressed to disagree. "Thank you," she said. "Let's have some ramen instead."

They made small talk over noodles. He didn't drop any hints whatsoever for the visit. He offered to do the dishes. He took off (and hung up!) the apron. He saw how tired she was and, with a hand on her waist, helped her to bed. As he settled in beside her, Sakura seriously feared for the safety of the village. What horrible thing could have happened that was prompting him to act this way? How hard did he think she would hit him? He hadn't buttered her up this much since the first time (and the last time) he arranged for her and Sasuke to be alone in a room together.

There was a long silence, during which Sakura tried to remember the last time she and Naruto lay shoulder-to-shoulder under covers. As genin, probably. It was nice to be here with him. Sometimes she felt as if she shared him with the world. "I did want to talk to you about something, actually."

Sakura tensed. _Here it comes._

"I was wondering if maybe… if maybe you could put in good word for me. With – " The last part of his sentence was totally unintelligible, mostly because it was murmured into her pillow.

She propped herself on an elbow and turned to look at him. "With who?"

Naruto lowered his head so she couldn't see his eyes. "With Ino."

"With Ino. With _Yamanaka Ino_?"

When he finally looked at her, he was blushing. Blushing! Over _Ino_. "Yeah. I like her."

Oh for the love of - ! Sakura _knew_ this was going to turn out badly. But no. Did Hurricane Ino listen to her? No. Did Ino _believe her_ when she told her that the three men she was currently sleeping with had actual feelings and could really come to care about her? No. Did that now put Sakura in the supremely awkward position that she currently found herself in?

YES.

This was all Ino's fault. _Everything was Ino's fault always._

Sakura sighed. "You know that you're a pawn in some utterly stupid revenge plot on the houses of Ino-Shika-Chou, right?"

"She's never lied to me about it," he replied, scratching the back of his head. "But the more time I spend with her… I mean, I never realized it before, but Ino's really fun. She's smart and funny and pretty, and she seems to like me a little, too. It's just annoying me that she's spending so much time with Kiba and Neji, too! I want her to cut that shit out and pick me."

Sakura wanted to curl under the comforter and die. "You want her to pick you! You idiot, you're _engaged to her_. If she picks you, you might have to marry her!"

He laughed nervously. "That doesn't sound like such a bad thing, you know? Not for right now, obviously. But I haven't ruled it out for the future."

Words died on the tip of her tongue. Her mouth opened and closed like a drowning swimmer who was gasping for air. Naruto hadn't ruled out marrying Ino as a possibility. He had _met_ Ino, right? They _were_ talking about the same person? The Ino who called going on a second date a _long term commitment_?

Naruto fingered the ends of Sakura's hair. "I know she isn't serious," he continued, the pink strands flaying against his pale skin, "but I think we could be good together, you know?"

It took a moment for Sakura to realize that he wasn't just asking her with help pleading his case. He was asking for her blessing. And honestly? Selfishly? She didn't really want to give it. He was going to get hurt. He was going to get hurt, and then, as if it weren't bad enough that she was the cause of it the first time around, Sakura would have to watch him go through it all again.

She removed his hand from her hair and slipped her fingers through his. "Okay." He smiled, then laughed, then pulled her to him, her back to his front. He hugged her tightly. "But if you break her heart, I'll break your face."

"Thanks, Sakura," he whispered into her neck, and suddenly, for a long, frightening moment, she was a different person, in a different place and time. _Thank you_, Sasuke had said, and she'd lost him forever. What would she do if she lost Naruto, too?

"By the way," he said, pulling her from her thoughts. "Where were you all night? I was waiting for hours. Why are you wearing this tiny dress? Sakura – "

She didn't have to feign sleep for long before it became the real thing.

/

"Ahhhh," Sakura sighed, lowering herself into the hot spring. The warm, soothing water engulfed her. Her aching muscles and bones silently thanked her.

Even Hinata looked relaxed. Normally when the girls stopped in, Hinata was so self-conscious that even the promise of paradise wasn't enough to soothe her anxiety. "It's so nice today," she commented. "Will Ino-san and the others be coming soon?"

Sakura put a hot towel over her face. "ANBU Panda is on Sasuke duty, I think," she murmured, "but Ino said she would stop by after work. Before she does – "

"Hm?"

"I just wanted to ask you, well – " This was hard to word. How did you ask one of your best friends how she felt about their mutual best friend seducing the three most important men in her life? It seemed like a silly question; who wouldn't be upset? But Hinata didn't seem to mind at all. It was a little unsettling.

"Sakura-san?" Hinata looked at her quizzically.

Might as well bite the bullet. "Are you _really _okay with Ino right now? Considering, you know, her engagements?"

Hinata tapped her fingers together. "I think… I think Ino-san is in a bad position right now. There are a lot of people who expect a lot of things from her. I think she's doing the best she can." She leaned back. "You don't have to worry about me."

That was easy for her to say! Sakura was _consumed_ with worry. Ino's antics had the potential to hurt a lot of people, especially Ino herself. It was hard to just stand by and do nothing. Then again, Sakura had never understood clan politics. It was just her and her parents; there were no Haruno traditions to uphold. No one needed her to be anything in particular. The only burdens she ever had to shoulder were the ones she brought upon herself.

"It's silly to cry over lost chances," she continued, looking up at the sky, "when I was the one too afraid to take them in the first place."

Sakura's heart lurched. "Hinata…"

She didn't have a chance to continue. "HIIIIIIIII~!" Speak of the devil; there she was, totally naked and unashamed, bursting through the doors of the onsen. She eyed the two suspiciously as she came over to join them. "How long have you two been here? Were you talking about me?"

"Yes," Hinata and Sakura replied.

Ino puffed her cheeks. "Mean! If anything, we should be talking about Sakura. I'll be expecting a thank you card any day now, by the way. It should say, _Dear Ino, I appreciate all of your hard work and dedication. The sex is great, details to follow. Love, Sakura._"

Sakura's entire body reddened. "Get out."

"Come onnnnnnn," whined Ino, moving closer. "You've been attached at the hip to the guy for the entire month. We hardly ever see you. You _owe_ us."

Sakura pushed her away. "No! It's none of your business! And don't forget that I'm still mad at you for the last time you stuck your nose where it didn't belong!"

"That was AGES AGO_,_ you can't still be angry!"

"You are blacklisted INDEFINITELY."

Ino was frowning. "You're so horrible, Sakura. I always give you all the details."

"I don't want them!" Really, the last thing Sakura _ever_ wanted to know was how good Naruto was in bed, or how flexible Kiba was, or what Neji could really do with the Byakugan. By now Sakura had some sort of weird sexual PTSD. "I don't ever want them!"

"Sakura-san," interjected Hinata. "I'm sure Ino-san is only concerned about your happiness."

"Ino-san is only ever concerned about herself!"

Ino had the grace to at least pretend to be wounded. "I'm very concerned about the giant stick Sakura-san apparently has lodged up her ass – "

Chaos ensued. Hinata ducked as the wooden bucket sailed over her head. Two towels and three bars of soap soon followed. Both girls were soon submerged underwater. When they popped up, Sakura had Ino in a headlock. They were both out of breath. "Your parents are both very nice, normal people," Sakura panted. "How did you become so awful?"

"And your mom's boobs are amazing," Ino said, groping at Sakura. "How are yours so small?"

Sakura screamed and let her go. "Would you stop that!?"

"Well, Shi must really like them," mused Ino, "if he's been at them for so long."

"I hate you," Sakura said. She briefly considered drowning herself. "I hate you so much."

"Details. _Now_."

Sakura should have known better than to go head to head with the princess of T & I.

She should always know better.

/

The truth was this: it was the best six weeks of her life.

In the cover of darkness, Sakura accompanied Shi to the village gates. Most of the other Cloud ninja had left that morning, but Shi had stayed behind under the pretense of tying up loose ends. "It's ironic that Omoi was the one who, long ago, was worried about coming to Leaf, falling in love with a girl, and having to leave her behind," he said, shouldering his pack.

"If you're trying to get me to defect to Cloud," Sakura replied, "it's working."

Shi hooked a finger into her belt. "I'm afraid that stealing you might incite the next Great Shinobi war." He pulled her toward him. "Unfortunately for me, you have many friends in high places."

Sakura pretended to mull this over. "That might be a risk I'm willing to take."

They stopped just outside the entrance. The recent turn to spring had brought the color back to the trees. Moonlight shone through the leaves. "Sakura," he murmured, leaning down. He was tall, taller than Kakashi, and he had to bend his entire body to bury his head in her neck. Blond hairs tickled her nose. "You could ask me to stay."

She slid her hands under his flak. Her fingers gripped at his waist. "I could," she replied, "but that would be unfair of me. You're one of my friends in high places, you know."

"Maybe they wouldn't miss me."

"Sure," said Sakura, running a hand through his hair. "They definitely wouldn't miss the Raikage's right hand man."

He kissed her. He kissed her breathless and it was a good thing that she was holding onto him or her knees would have certainly given out under her. Maybe he'd always wanted to kiss her this way. Maybe he should have. Maybe it would have allowed her to come to her senses much faster.

Or maybe she would have pushed him away, like she pushed away so many others, in the name of _already being in love_.

"I'll be okay as long as you don't tell me that we'll always be friends." He was smiling, smiling, smiling at her, and she really _did_ almost ask him to stay. "I don't think I can handle it right now."

"Just as long as you don't tell me how much you'll miss me."

He held a hand out to her. "I think that sounds reasonable."

She took it. "Goodbye, Shi."

"Until next time."

She followed the outline of his body as it disappeared into the forest and then until she couldn't see it anymore. The wind whipped around her, but still she stood for a long, long time, long after he was already gone. She might have stayed there indefinitely, frozen by the impact of his departure, if it weren't for Ino, who had come looking for her as the sun rose.

"Come on," Ino said, throwing an arm around Sakura's shoulders. "Let's go eat cake and get drunk."

"It's six o'clock in the morning," Sakura replied when she could find her voice.

"It's noon somewhere."

Sakura couldn't really argue with that. "True enough."

They walked back through the village gates together.

/

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked her, waving his chopsticks in the air. "Are you really, really okay?"

Ayame slid Sakura's miso ramen in front of her with a wink. "I'm fine," she assured him. It was almost true. "I always knew that Shi would have to go back to Kumo."

Naruto took a brief moment to inhale his dish before turning toward her. "I think he's an idiot. He left and now some other guy is going to move right in."

Sakura laughed, swinging her legs underneath the bar. "Yeah, they're lining up. I better have them start taking numbers."

"As long as I'm number one!"

She swung one of her legs up and kicked him. "Not if you keep slurping your noodles like that. Your manners are appalling. How does Ino even stand it?"

"So far I haven't gotten any complaints."

The silence that they sat in was a comfortable one. In the periphery, the sounds of the village came to life around them. Sakura could hear Kiba and Shino engaged in conversation a few feet away. Lee was doing laps around the building. On his hands. Akamaru was following him in a failed attempt to emulate his form. ANBU Panda watched the pandemonium fondly from a close rooftop.

"Sakura," Naruto said finally, putting his bowl aside. His voice had turned serious. Both things were somewhat concerning. "Are you happy?"

She put her hands in her lap as she struggled for an answer. "Mostly," she admitted. The words tore at her even as she said them, raw and fresh like a new wound. "It's no big deal, though. I'm getting pretty good at dealing with this heartbreak business."

He frowned at her. "That's bullshit and you know it. No one should have to be good at it, you especially."

"Naruto – "

"Loving you was the best decision I ever made, you know," he told her, leaning back in his chair. Sakura was starting to panic; she wasn't sure she wanted to have this conversation. "I couldn't ever fail if I knew you were rooting for me. Your faith in me made me strong."

Not for the first time, Sakura thought how much simpler her life would have been had she fallen in love with Naruto at the start. _The heart won't be denied_, Ino had told her once. _It isn't fair to anyone to attempt to convince it otherwise_.

He was smiling now, his _that's my ninja way!_ smile. The smile he gave her before he dedicated his life to a stupid promise that she forced him to make. She bit the inside of her lip to keep herself from doing something stupid like crying. "I'm sor – "

"Stop," he interrupted. "I don't want to hear any apologizes. I just want – you know what I want."

"I can't." The last thing she wanted to do was to fall apart in Ichiraku, but if Naruto was going to insist on doing this again, it would probably be unavoidable. "I _can't_."

His hand covered both of hers. It was calloused and worn; a warrior's hands. Still, it was a delicate touch, probably more gentle than she deserved. "You can. Think about all the things you've done in the last month alone that you never thought you could do. You're amazing." She knew what was coming next. "And I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm not the only one who needs you."

"The use of guilt is both underhanded and cruel," she pointed out.

Naruto stood. He threw money onto the counter and leaned over to press a kiss to her temple. (_Naruto used heart stamp. It's super effective!_ ). Somewhere in the distance, Hinata and Ino were laughing. Akamaru was trying to steal a potato chip from Chouji. Neji , Shikamaru, and Sai were discussing a combat strategy for their upcoming mission. "I love you and I don't ever want to see you hurt again, but think about how much happier you could be if you put the past behind you."

She thought about all of her friends, all of the people who she loved and loved her in return, of all of the people who inspired her with their strength on a daily basis. She thought about Shi hundreds of kilometers away in Cloud, the person who helped her trust her own heart again. And she thought about Naruto, who had turned to walk away. He had two fingers in the air in mock salute. "Just think about it."

"Okay, okay," she said, waving him off. "Get out of here before Tsunade-sama kills you."

One day Naruto would make a great Hokage. Sakura would be proud to stand beside him.

The noise he made was almost inhuman. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'M LATE! SEE YOU LATER, SAKURA-CHAN!" There was a loud THUMP. "GET OUT OF MY WAY, BUSHY-BROWS."

… then again, they all had a little growing up left to do.

/

Early the next morning, Sakura sat alone at her kitchen table. Naruto was right; she _was_ a different person than she was four years ago. She was a different person than she was six weeks ago. Moving on meant moving forward. She was always learning, changing, and growing stronger.

There was nothing she couldn't do.

A brisk walk later, she was standing at a nondescript front door. There was nearly no hesitation as she rasped on it with her knuckles. She took a deep breath and stepped inside. He was standing only a few feet away, almost as if he were expecting her. She met his eyes without reservation.

"Good morning," she said. "Sasuke."


End file.
